i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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