If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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