i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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