And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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