im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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