i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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