I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
