Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
