u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
