College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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