she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
