Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
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Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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