Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
