drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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