We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
