He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
