ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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