My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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