Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
