In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
