Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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