I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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