actually, I'm a sock model
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
