a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
