That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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