In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
