Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
