i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
