She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
