I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
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