you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
