dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
