No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
