$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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