If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
