Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
