You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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