Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize