My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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