Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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