You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
