She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
