is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
