My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
