I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
