I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
