can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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