Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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