girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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