you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
