So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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