hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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