I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
