What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize