My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
