this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
