Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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