After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
