Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
