Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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