final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talked him into tasing himself.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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