My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I smell like Dick and happiness
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
