Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
